My coach and I discussed the empathic listening exercise we engaged in this week. I chose to have a discussion with my mom, who I am only able to have good discussions with because I intentionally keep the subject matter away from certain topics, mainly religion and politics. I decided to explore option 1 of the coaching assignments and talk to my mom using empathic listening. Alongside our good and functional relationship, I view her as highly judgmental and have subconsciously used that as justification to judge her. This made her a good partner for empathic listening.
I knew that in order to get beyond the minutia of regular small talk I would need to listen for an opportunity. Eventually, an opportunity did arise that I did not facilitate in any way, but I was able to catch it. I used it to gently test the waters of a conversation about religion. My experience in 616 so far has shown me that I need to know where someone else is before I can meet them for possible phase III / IV dialogue. I continued to listen empathically, and when I spoke it felt like I was stepping just behind her and giving her a gentle nudge forward. I took empathic listening, I think, to know where to orient myself for that nudge. I'd be kidding myself if I didn't admit to using some misdirection as well. The conversation when well for being one that tested the borders of topics we usually don't discuss.
My coach was happy to hear that I am trying to be more of my genuine self around my mom. My mom has come up a lot in our conversations, and my coach reminded me of things I have said in the past that belied even the slight progress that has been made. Without her assessment I probably would not have realized how far I have come in conversing authentically with my mom. I feel now that there is a whole new place to explore, and I think I'll start by reassessing how I charge the container when my mom and I begin to converse.
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